I Hope You Know
by OriginalPippie
Summary: April talks to Bam about a rather sensitive subject.


Bam I hope you know and understand what you've gotten yourself into. I hope that by doing what you're doing it's for the right reasons. Bam, honey, you haven't just adopted this little girl, you've become a father; you're completely responsible for another person's life. I have to say that although I am proud of you for making this decision, this has been the most shocking thing that you've ever done. When you came to me not long ago and said to me that you were about to officially have your adopted daughter; all you had to do was sign the final papers, I have to admit that I had no idea just how serious you were. I hope you know just how big of a step this is, especially for you being single. With you being single like this I, of course, am going to worry about your capability of raising a child a lot more. I'm going to worry and pray every step of the way. I'll worry mainly because I'm your mother. I shouldn't have to tell you that this little girl of yours is going to need you more than you may realize. I wish for you to give her what she deserves and more. And she deserves for you to love her and guide her all through her life obstacles. I think that this is going to be good for you. This is going to help you to settle down more and stop being quite as, well, fearless with the risks you take. I believe that inside you want this now and you feel you're ready for it. Phil and I have gone through a lot with you and you've gone through a lot on your own. You're a very strong individual but as of right now I am still unsure of how well you're going to handle this by yourself. I hope you know that you may not be as ready as you feel. I really do hope that you are ready for this and everything that's going to come from it.

……..

I think that as of right now you were smart to adopt a three-year-old girl as opposed to an infant. Starting out with a baby by yourself would have been much harder on you. This way the two of you will be able to adjust a little easier; I think so any way. The day when you first brought Melissa over here and introduced her to us as our new granddaughter was pretty amazing. As you know Phil and I really had no idea what to say when we first laid our eyes on her; on your _daughter._ (This is still sounds so bizarre!) When we see you interact with Melissa we see how happy and proud you seem. We can see that you already have this great love for her. We see that you're really trying to be the best father that you can be for her. Seeing this in you makes me happy. I feel that Phil and I have really done a great job at raising you. You're already beginning to place the same values in her as we placed in you. From what little bit I've seen I can all ready see how much she adores and looks up to you. Everyone all ready knows just how influential you can be and have already been. Make sure you influence Melissa in the best ways possible. I shouldn't have to tell you that you have a lot of hard work coming your way with raising her. Don't be hesitant to ask for help if ever you're uncertain about something. Bam you've always been up for a good challenge and I'd say this is probably the biggest one you'll ever have to face in your life.

……..

I saw the picture that you have of the two of you together. You look so proud to be holding your daughter in your arms. The two of you even have matching grins on your faces. If I or anyone else didn't know any better it would seem as though she were your biological daughter. She even is starting to act a little like you, but in all the best ways (Thank God!). You always appear so happy when you're around her. But I can't help but notice a little bit of sadness hidden inside your eyes. It seems to me that raising Melissa as a single father is having an effect on you, and to be honest I don't blame you if you're starting to feel alone or even a little scared. You took on this responsibility by yourself and now it's starting to hurt you. Bam I know going at it alone can't be easy but I've really been proud of how you've been handling it so far.

……..

You've changed so much since Melissa came into your life. You've all ready grown so much. I can't say enough how proud I am of you but at the same time I still worry. Seeing you taking care of her and chasing her around reminds me of when we were taking care of you when you were her age. Not as easy as you thought it would be, isn't it? You just hang in there, though, you're doing so well; better than I've expected actually. It's just a shame that you had to miss out on potty training her (Hee hee!). There are times, however, where I see you struggling when it comes to taking care of her. Of course you have all the means to be able to take care of her but I can tell that you haven't been completely emotionally prepared for all of this. It has got to be tough on you in that way and I understand why it would be. If you ever need to talk please don't hesitate. I and Phil are here for you all the way. I can't help but notice the pain growing inside of you despite all the smiles you give everyone. I know you, Bam, I know that you believed that being a father was going to make you happy; going to make you feel better. But I also know what you have on the inside that you've been trying to hide from everyone else. Maybe I notice this because I'm your mother but I hope you know that you can't, and shouldn't, keep hiding the way you really feel. Melissa has been good for you in many ways; that's already clear to all of us. I've always knew you would become a great father one day and now this is coming true. But, please, if you're hurting then talk to me about it. I don't want to have to worry about you if there's an emotional problem. You've given me plenty to worry about during your life. You're strong, Bam, but maybe not as strong as you make it appear, especially as of lately.

……..

Something's been on my mind ever since you first told me that you were adopting your little girl. I just never knew how to bring it up. However this thought that I've had about you has been coming to me more and mare lately as I watch you with Melissa. I just hope I'm wrong about this. However I don't believe that I'm the only one who's thought about this. Bam, honey, I don't know if it's just a big coincidence that you've adopted this particular little girl or if you purposely chose Melissa because of her striking similarities… her dark hair, her eyes, even her personality. You've even started calling her Missy. Honey I know you loved her, and I know you've got to miss her like crazy. That's more than understandable. We all miss her and we all loved her. She was a wonderful addition to the family, as is your daughter. It's been over a year since Missy's death and we've all seen you making a great effort to go on with your life. We've all been happy to see you acting more like yourself. And we are all happy to see you as the father that you are to Melissa. But I felt as though you should be confronted about this issue even if it is a rather difficult and sensitive one. I said to you a few months back when you first adopted Melissa that I hope you know and understand the whole situation and that I hope that you're doing this all for the right reasons. I truly hope that it's one big crazy coincidence that your adopted daughter turned out to be so much like Missy, right down to her name. I truly hope that you adopted her because you really wanted to be a father to this beautiful, wonderful little girl. I know you have wanted to have kids and you do have what it takes to be a good father. I just want to make sure you haven't made this decision to become this father that you've wanted to be just because of losing Missy. Either way you still have this child in your life now so don't blow this great thing you have going for yourself. I and Phil will always love and support you, no matter what you'll get yourself into. We will always be willing to give you advice or anything else you would need when you need it. I hope you know this without me telling you.


End file.
